One Day at a Time

Sunday night, after several attempts to get the kids to go to bed and failing every time, I gave up, walked over to the couch and plopped down onto it. I had just snuggled my head into a couch pillow and wrapped myself in a blanket when Austin, our three year old, came up to me with a big smile on his face, dimples and all, and said "Mom, why are you so grumpy!" I burst out laughing. I knew I felt discontented but I couldn't place the emotion. Austin figured it out instantly. I was feeling grumpy. I had a wonderful Mother's Day. Joe and the kids showered me with love and attention and helpfulness. This amplified the grumpiness because I felt guilty for feeling this way at the end of such a wonderful day.

It wasn't until Joe's alarm clock went off at 3 AM the next morning that I really figured out what had made me so grumpy the night before. Joe was getting up early because he had to drive to the Spokane airport to leave on a business trip. Not the ordinary business trip where he leaves for a few days, we get to talk on our cell phones every night, and I party with the kids. This business trip is overseas and three weeks long! He is spending a week in Romania and about two weeks in Albania. Different time zones and no cell phone coverage means communication is difficult. Life with five kids can be CRAZY and he is the one who helps me get through every day. He is a fabulous parent and always bends over backwards to help me out with the kids whenever he can. He was the guy who while in law school refused to bring his books home with him. He went to class in the morning, work in the afternoon (or vice versa depending on the semester), and when he came home for dinner a little after five he was completely ours for the rest of the day (finals week being the only exception). A lot of people thought I was really strong to have been a law school wife with so many kids, but in actuality Joe took great pains to make sure I never had any hardships.

Even though Joe tried very hard not to wake me as he got ready Monday morning, awake I was, in bed, wondering how in the world I could manage without him for three weeks. Sleep had tranformed my grumpiness into feelings of overwhelming anxiety. It felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders and I didn't have a strong enough backbone to carry it all. He "woke" me to say goodbye before he left, we wished each other well, professed our love for each other and he walked out the door. When I heard the door close I finally let the tears fall.

Yesterday was our first day without Joe and it went fairly well. I remembered to take the garbage out to the street (Joe does that every Monday morning), we managed to make all our appointments, and Joe's parents and his brother Jeff were a wonderful help at Joseph and Grant's baseball game. We were happily surprised when the coach let Joseph pitch for the first time in the last inning (our team was down by nine). We were surprised even further when Joseph pitched AMAZINGLY! He struck a guy out, almost struck the second guy out but the batter hit the third pitch and got a single. He almost struck the third guy out but the batter nicked it and sent a pop fly straight to the first baseman who caught it for the second out. Then the coach pulled Joseph out so another kid could try pitching before the third out. Joseph was on cloud nine. He has dreamed about pitching for a long time. We came home after the game, the kids went to bed for me without too much fuss, and the first day was over.

I think the key is taking this experience one day at a time. Three weeks seems overwhelming but one day is always possible. And maybe after 20 more days I will have a stronger backbone after all the exercise. Just in time for Joe to go to China in July!